I used to decorate the kids parties in Pinterest style decorations, I'd go all out. I'd have big decorations in whatever theme, super cool homemade cakes in coordinating theme (a monster truck one year). I would make big painted decorations to hang up, I would have planned out games and the snacks would be cute and theme-y. I mean I gotta tell ya, these were cool parties. People would tell me how creative I was and how cute everything was. I was the mom. And you know what? I was a total stress case because everything had to be perfect.
Then last year I realized, my kids don't care. I mean yes they get excited about decorations, but balloons and streamers make them just as happy as me spending a whole week planing decorations. And they really don't care if I spend hours the night before making the cake or if they get to pick out whichever one they want at Costco. Games are fun, but the fun part is just playing with your friends.
Lindy's birthday party is this weekend and I decided tonight to look up decoration ideas and games on Pinterest to see if there were a couple ideas I could copy. And I saw. And I browsed. And I started to feel crappy about myself. These moms had beautiful pictures of perfectly planned out parties, with huge wall size murals, and cute themed labels for the food table. And beautiful cakes that I'm sure are specialty ordered. And capes and masks for every kid, and so many games I'm sure the party was three hours just to fit in games. And cool cut out photo booths, and props for the kids. And the pictures they posted- I mean these are good pictures. They have to have hired someone to do pictures. I mean how do you get so many perfect pictures of kids at a party? And the moms were even in the pictures!! And not only did they plan and execute these parties, but they blogged about it! And here I was with streamers and balloons and a couple colored plastic table cloths. I started to panic. My party wasn't going to be that great. What would the parents coming think?
Then I remembered what I've learned the last year. I cannot do it all. I can not be who those other moms on Pinterest are. And my kids don't care. Lindy will be happy to have balloons are streamers and cake with her friends. She will be excited to hand out goody bags to her friends even if they don't have theme coordinating cut out decorations on them. I can still try to have a neat photo backdrop for them, and we can try a couple games, but I'm not going to stress out over it. I'm not going to be upset if it's not what I think would be perfect. Because over and above being the mom who looks like super mom who has it all together, I want to be the mom who has fun. Who enjoys my daughters 4th birthday party. Who is not yelling and snapping at my family 30 minutes before guests arrive like I was before. Its great that some people can have those picture perfect parties. The ones we all envy on Pinterest. I'm just not that person. And I'm ok with that. My kids are happy and thats what I really care about.
If you're like me and you see those pictures on Pinterest, don't feel crappy. Don't stress about the "perfect" party. Don't think you have to do it all for your kid's party to be a success. Do what you can do. Be the mom you are, not the one you think you should be. Relax, enjoy the party. Enjoy your little birthday star. I will be.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Our family is growing again!
Yes that's right. The Schittl family is growing again! Today we grew by 2 more. 
Here is Solomon adoring his new babies. Who knew two little guppies would make a eight year old boy so happy?
Say hello to Fred and Eddie.
Fred is silver with a colorful tail, And Eddie is mostly black with a silver face and a little yellow on his tail.
Here they are as they are entering their new home.
We started with two fish because that's what the lady at the pet store suggested. She said it'd be good to get two now and then if Solomon still wanted more, then to come in a few days and get two more. Solomon picked out which two he wanted and named them on the way home. He's a happy kid.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Shower options, if you're 6....
Let me set the scene. You are a 6 1/2 year old boy.
It is HOT and you are up late after watching Daddy play softball.
You go outside to help mom water the vegetable garden.
But then the sprinklers come on.
Now 5 minutes ago he DID NOT want to shower. No siree.
The sprinklers though. That is A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY.
Complete 6 year old joy right here folks.
I love you mommy!
Theres my silly boy.
JOY. I'm just glad he left his clothes on.
Look at this face. I mean how do you say no to this adorable boy?
My little big boy. He is my joy.
This one turned out cool, you can see where he jumped to while my camera was getting the shot. Tonight I was wishing for a bigger flash for my camera so I could catch all his cuteness.
So all these pictures just to say, Nathan showered in the sprinklers tonight. And I'm ok with that. He wants to do it again though. I really hope this doesn't make actual shower time more difficult.......
Oh well.
Our adoptive families
You see these two beautiful women sitting with me? They are two of my heroes. And two women I love and respect and have so much gratitude for. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe how thankful I am for them and their loving hearts.
They took care of my daughters before I could. They loved them and nourished them and fought for them when nobody else would. They opened their homes and their hearts to them. They are part of my girls' story. And they are part of my story.
We keep in contact with them because they are family. I didn't know when we started our adoption process how much our family would grow. And I love how it has. I prayed for them while I prayed for my girls when I didn't even know I would get two daughters! I prayed our daughters would be in safe loving homes and they were. They were loved more than I imagined.
We had a great visit with them. The kids all played and we got to talk. They got to see the girls bigger. We stay in touch via Facebook and texting but this was this first we'd seen them in many months.
Lindy had been asking about her second birthday, which she had while in foster care, and so her foster mom got to tell her about it. I loved watching her eyes light up as she learned she had gifts and chocolate cake and pizza. She got to hear a few stories about when she was little that I didn't have. I love that.
Pray for the wonderful people who are foster patents and take care and fight for children who are not "theirs". So many of them pour so much of themselves in to the lives of little (and sometimes not so little) ones. They fight hard and it's a hard fight. Monday, June 10, 2013
My daughters and me
Today the boys have spent the day with Nana after spending the night, so it's just been the girls and me.
Lindy and I had a lazy morning in bed while Sarah slept in. Lindys been quietly getting out of bed in the morning to go potty then snuggling with me. It's been great because its some of the first times she has really initiated that kind of thing with me. It's been sweet times in the morning as she climbs in my bed. We snuggle and talk and laugh. This morning I was tired from a long night with Sarah so I turned some cartoons on for her. Oh how I love lazy summer mornings. Well lets be honest, I love lazy mornings.
There's been baking.
And of course eating.
And time with our babies.
I've even got some bible study done.
It's been a quiet day. But I've enjoyed the time, and I've enjoyed watching them play and listening to them play with each other. And I am just so grateful The Lord has entrusted me with them. That I get to be their mommy, and they are my daughters. What a joy I have in them.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Teaching them to appreciate their belongings
We've had this problem with the boys lately. Maybe some of you can relate.
They also vacuumed and dusted and cleaned both bathrooms. Mostly I'd like them to do extra chores that are not part of their responsibilities in the family, but yesterday I was in need of tasks for them. So although they are asked to vacuum sometimes, I had vacuum and dusting as one job, and really made sure it was done well. And both bathrooms were cleaned by one boy, and more was asked of him then usual.
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| Not super bad, but in our house by 6 & 8 they should know better than to leave their room looking like this. |
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| I mean really, right next to the empty hamper?!? |
The thing is, with our kids we really try to teach them early on to put their things away in the right place, and to put toys away when they are done. And they're really not horrible at it, but they are 6 and 8 and by now should know better. And the things that really bother me, are the toys all around the house, or left outside. Or clothes just tossed on the floor, or again left outside. Expensive Hurly hats that are left outside all night, shoes and socks left out getting rained on. You get the idea. I'm sure most of you are parents and experience the same frustrations. So we came up with a plan. I bought a clear storage bin from Walmart and we sat the boys down and told them if things were left out, they would be taken away until the offending party earned them back. We would not be buying them anything new as long as they had things in the box, and we would donate everything that wasn't earned back in a couple weeks time. If they didn't want them enough to earn them back, we would give it to someone who would appreciate it.
I bought a clear bin so they could see in, and placed it right in the front room next to the hall so they could see it. Also every time I'm out shopping and see something I'd like to get them I remind them that I can't. That might be kinda mean, but I want them to know they're missing out!
Well the box got fuller and fuller and so I reminded the boys that I would be taking things out to give away soon. That was yesterday and boy did they get in gear!
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| He had to sweep and then clean, by hand on hands and knees, the kitchen floor |
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| I'm pretty sure he enjoyed this one. And it was great I got the lawn mowed and he earned back some things! |
I don't know if this will help. I need a better list of this for them to do to earn things back. We do still have somethings in the bin today, and I'm not sure what chores to have them do now. We'll have to put our heads together to figure out more. I'll probably make a list.
So tell me parents do you have the same thing going on at your house? And if not, please tell me the secret!!
A post you need to read
Just a quick post today, I wanted y'all to head over to my beautiful friend Laura's blog and read this post (actually I think you should read the whole blog, but this post in particular is on my mind today). She talks about the words we say to our children and how important they are. And the words they really need to hear from us. It's been on my heart and mind since she posted it and I think is a really good reminder to all us moms (and dads) who easily get stuck in just day to day operations, and forget that we are helping to form little people! Anyway, please, please go check it out, and share with your friends. And think about it. It has given me so much to think about and I will soon be posting my thoughts too, so go read it!! Like now. Heres the link again, Words they need to hear. Have a blessed day!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Monster's birthday
We had a birthday this weekend! Our youngest turned two. Her nickname around here is Monster, so I thought a fun monster party would be great. And it was fun to plan. I kinda like "out of the box" party ideas. I looked through Pinterest for party ideas, but didn't find much, and nothing I wanted to do for her party. I got the invitations from a seller on easy.com, but I don't have that info.
The banner letters, I got from this awesome blog. I've used then before to create a Thanksgiving banner, and they are such a great size, and so fun.
I did find a lot of great monster stuff at Oriental Trading Company, they had "Valentine" monster stuff on sale and the colors were perfect, because I wanted girlie colors, and was having a hard time finding it. I forgot to take more decoration pictures, but you can still find the things here, and here. The goody bags were bought from Oriental Trading as well, but I couldn't find them there tonight. They were filled with fun, not scary, monster goodies- balls, pop-ups, small monster bath ducks, mini monster beach balls, goofy build a monster stickers, and monster tattoos (but I couldn't find them tonight either).
Solomon helped me decorate the cupcakes. I just picked up the eye candies at Michael's, and we added fun faces.
Our little monster had a great time at her party. She was the center of attention and loved it so much. Happy birthday Monster!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Call me a prude....
My six year old son said the wisest thing to me the other day. We were talking about summer and how excited we are to swim and get a small pool for the backyard and he says, "You know what girl's swim suits I don't like?"
"No brother, what girl's swim suits don't you like?" Since he's not too into girls being girly I thought it'd be something about the ones with skirts I buy his sisters.
"You know the ones that are like triangles and just cover their privates? I don't like those."
Well this surprised me. "Oh? Why?"
"Cause it barely covers their privates, and I'm worried I'll see their privates and I'm not supposed to ever see that."
Then Solomon chimes in "Ya thats not good to almost see that."
Question- Why do my 6 & 8 year old boys get this and so many people don't? Sure when most people see a little girl in a tiny bikini it looks very innocent to them. And I get that it's really not intended to be sexual. One of my big reasons for not dressing my daughters in all the adorable teeny tiny bikinis is this; it is not intended to be sexual, but it can easily be seen that way. I'm sure my boys aren't the only ones bothered by this, and I know their dad feels the same about some women's suits we've seen in public. But beyond that, there are creeppy sexual predators all around us anymore. I don't want some sleazy man looking at my sweet innocent daughter in a sexual way, even if he doesn't do the unthinkable and act on it. And more over I don't want them to grow up thinking that wearing teeny tiny swim suits will be ok with me. Because what is cute on a 3 year old is downright inappropriate on a 13 year old.
Additionally with so much information on the effects of the sun and the devastation of skin cancer, why are we expose so much of our children's skin? I have always had my boys where rash guard shirts when they have their swimming suits on. I was so disappointed when I went looking for girl's swimwear last year and had a hard time finding rash guard shirts for girls! I don't want more skin to be showing and subject to harm UV rays.
And really it's not just the little girls, or teenage girls, swim wear. Its even the clothing that I find out in stores. It is so frustrating trying to find cute spring and summer clothes for my girls. "Spaghetti" straps and halter tops litter the shirt selection, and the length of the shorts that are made for little girls will barely cover their bottoms, let alone a diaper covered bottom. These things may be cute on little girls, but I often think, would I want them wearing these clothes when they're teens? No I don't! And I don't want to raise my daughters thinking that showing off your body is how to get positive attention from either sex.
And I'm not just thinking about how this will effect my daughters, but my sons as well. Theres no wonderful mystery of the female body any more. I don't want my boys to believe that all women's bodies are for them to look at, to think of women so little that they just notice her body.
My friend Laura wrote a great post titled Overexposure and Our Sacred Bodies (to read her post just click the titled link). And I agree with a lot of what she is saying, theres a lot of good points. It makes me sad that my children are subject to so much sexualization in our culture.
I'm not saying our daughters, or ourselves, have to wear burkas, or big ole shapeless dresses from neck to ankle. There are lots of cute clothing options out there that we can still be modest. My fabulously dressed friend Andrea at She'sCRAFTY does a monthly fashion post called helloSTYLE at Fancy Littles Things. She dresses so cute and modestly and highlights that in her fashion post. She's inspired me for quite a few outfits. We may have to look harder ladies, but cute and modest clothes are out there.
Now let me be very clear here- I am NOT saying that parents who dress their little girls in any of the clothing I mentioned are bad parents. I know very good parents who I've seen their daughters in what I would not dress my daughters in. It is a personal conviction I have. I'm just asking if we as parents, and as society, have truly thought of the ramifications of how we're dressing our daughters.
"No brother, what girl's swim suits don't you like?" Since he's not too into girls being girly I thought it'd be something about the ones with skirts I buy his sisters.
"You know the ones that are like triangles and just cover their privates? I don't like those."
Well this surprised me. "Oh? Why?"
"Cause it barely covers their privates, and I'm worried I'll see their privates and I'm not supposed to ever see that."
Then Solomon chimes in "Ya thats not good to almost see that."
Question- Why do my 6 & 8 year old boys get this and so many people don't? Sure when most people see a little girl in a tiny bikini it looks very innocent to them. And I get that it's really not intended to be sexual. One of my big reasons for not dressing my daughters in all the adorable teeny tiny bikinis is this; it is not intended to be sexual, but it can easily be seen that way. I'm sure my boys aren't the only ones bothered by this, and I know their dad feels the same about some women's suits we've seen in public. But beyond that, there are creeppy sexual predators all around us anymore. I don't want some sleazy man looking at my sweet innocent daughter in a sexual way, even if he doesn't do the unthinkable and act on it. And more over I don't want them to grow up thinking that wearing teeny tiny swim suits will be ok with me. Because what is cute on a 3 year old is downright inappropriate on a 13 year old.
Additionally with so much information on the effects of the sun and the devastation of skin cancer, why are we expose so much of our children's skin? I have always had my boys where rash guard shirts when they have their swimming suits on. I was so disappointed when I went looking for girl's swimwear last year and had a hard time finding rash guard shirts for girls! I don't want more skin to be showing and subject to harm UV rays.
And really it's not just the little girls, or teenage girls, swim wear. Its even the clothing that I find out in stores. It is so frustrating trying to find cute spring and summer clothes for my girls. "Spaghetti" straps and halter tops litter the shirt selection, and the length of the shorts that are made for little girls will barely cover their bottoms, let alone a diaper covered bottom. These things may be cute on little girls, but I often think, would I want them wearing these clothes when they're teens? No I don't! And I don't want to raise my daughters thinking that showing off your body is how to get positive attention from either sex.
And I'm not just thinking about how this will effect my daughters, but my sons as well. Theres no wonderful mystery of the female body any more. I don't want my boys to believe that all women's bodies are for them to look at, to think of women so little that they just notice her body.
My friend Laura wrote a great post titled Overexposure and Our Sacred Bodies (to read her post just click the titled link). And I agree with a lot of what she is saying, theres a lot of good points. It makes me sad that my children are subject to so much sexualization in our culture.
I'm not saying our daughters, or ourselves, have to wear burkas, or big ole shapeless dresses from neck to ankle. There are lots of cute clothing options out there that we can still be modest. My fabulously dressed friend Andrea at She'sCRAFTY does a monthly fashion post called helloSTYLE at Fancy Littles Things. She dresses so cute and modestly and highlights that in her fashion post. She's inspired me for quite a few outfits. We may have to look harder ladies, but cute and modest clothes are out there.
Now let me be very clear here- I am NOT saying that parents who dress their little girls in any of the clothing I mentioned are bad parents. I know very good parents who I've seen their daughters in what I would not dress my daughters in. It is a personal conviction I have. I'm just asking if we as parents, and as society, have truly thought of the ramifications of how we're dressing our daughters.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
I am not Supermom
There have been times when people say things to me like "I don't know how you do it with four kids!" or "You're such a great mom, I wish I was like that". While I totally appreciate these comments for the compliments they are intended to be, they make me uncomfortable. I have many flaws that keep me from being the mom I want to be. I yell. Too much, and too loud. I loose my patience quickly. And chaos or noise makes me irritable, which is hard to avoid with four kids 8 years old and under.
It was a HUGE change last year when we went from two pretty self sufficient kids to four kids. I had a needy 2 year old, a baby, and the boys where needing extra attention because of the changes in our lives. I couldn't get things done like I was used to doing. And it was very difficult to get used to. I used to say to myself "I should be able to do..." and then be upset at myself when I couldn't get it perfectly accomplished. It was made even more difficult when I started home schooling the boys, now I had all 4 kids home all day and I had to be helping the boys with their work. I had to change the way things were done, and I had to let up on myself a little.
I cannot get everything done I want to in a day. I have too high of expectations. So I try to prioritize what needs to be done in a day. First the kids need to be fed. And let me tell you this feels like a full time job itself! Ha! Why do they want to eat so much? To help make things easier I have created short cuts. I buy chicken cutlets because they defrost and cook faster than breast. This saves a lot of time. I still buy breasts for when I want to have breast cooked for dinner, but for easy meals that just need shredded or cut up chicken, the cutlets are way easier. Also, where dishes are concerned I had to buy more. We would go through flatware and bowls really quick, so I bought more so I wouldn't have to wash them all the time. Also we have set meal times, and snack options are always the same. In the morning we have fruit, yogurt, or apple sauce for snack. Then the afternoon is a sweet snack and another health option. This eliminates the "what can I have I'm hungry.." problem. The boys are old enough to make their sandwiches by themselves for lunch. At first teaching them took more time but now, things run so smooth and its a big help to me.
My second daily priority is school. For me it helps to have a lesson plan done for each day ahead of time. I do mine monthly. It does take awhile, but to have written down each day what we're doing is a great help and Solomon can read his on his own and start his lessons on his own. But I'm also flexible with this, if our day is not going well I'll cut things short, or move them to another day. My top priority is and should be my children, and if they're having a hard day I want to be there for them. We still get everything done, I just realized that sometimes we have to shuffle things around. Sometimes we wake up in a bad mood, and fighting is not going to settle anything. There are also days where they are moving a long really fast, and we can catch up on things or get ahead in our work.
Sadly house cleaning is last on my list. This was hard for Josh and I to get used to. I had to let him help, and we both had to realize I couldn't do everything like I did before. Not that I was ever a super great housekeeper anyway. But realizing I couldn't do everything was great because I also realized that my kids should be helping. I want to teach them how to take care of themselves, and that includes cleaning up after themselves. And the boys at 8 & 6 are really able to do a lot. They take their laundry basket to the garage, and are starting to learn how to start the washer. They can carry the clean clothes in and sort them and put them away. I had to let go of things being done the way I did them too. Underwear do not get folded before put away and sometimes socks are not turned inside out. But it gets done and I'm not doing it all. Lindy helps do her laundry a little too. Solomon now empties the dishwasher, which is so great for me because I really really hate that. Both boys vacuum and sweep well enough. And they've known how to clean toilets for years now. I think they started at 4, but Lindy is starting now at 3. They help feed the animals, and all 3 bigger kids help set the table at dinner. The boys can wipe down the table for me, and they all put their dishes in the sink (yes even Sarah started at about 18 months). I'm always trying to think of more things around the house they can help with to take the load off me. I do not ask them to pick up after me, but I have them help contribute to things the family needs done. This has been so good for everyone. It has eased my list of things to do, and it has helped them realized that in our family we share the work. And we are teaching them to clean up after themselves, and take responsibility for themselves.
I really encourage you fellow moms to prioritize your days, realize who/what your priorities are and follow that. Get your kids to help in small ways, it's good for them! Let go of big expectations. And, a big one, DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS. We all do things different, and it's ok. My house will never be as clean and organized as my best friend's. I am not as patient as my other friend. I don't go with the flow as easy as another friend. I am not super christian mom that only teaches biblical curriculum to my kids. I am not the mom that cooks all organic "real food" gourmet meals. I am not all those moms whose blogs are linked on Pinterest who seem to do everything perfect (even their blogs look perfect with all kinds of gorgeous, magazine style pictures.) But thats ok. I am not you and you are not me, and thats ok. We each have something special to give our kids, us.
Remember most moms I know do not think they have it all together either. None of us do. And it's ok that we're not going to post all our struggles on Facebook. Ya, I put up pictures of fun things we've done, because who needs to hear that I just screamed at my kids to put their toys away? I'm not going to whine all the time about how inadequate I feel. I think most the time we're not trying to be fake, we just don't want people to see our struggles. Don't think you know all about someone form what you see on FB, even people who are not trying to be "fake". I don't think Facebook is really the place to share all the crappy stuff anyway. But lets do each other a favor and be real with each other. We all have good times and bad times, lets share them all in the right settings. They can all be used for uplifting another. Whether it's to know we're not alone in the hard stuff, or encourage someone that there are brighter days.
God has helped me realize that my ministry is my family. My purpose now is to raise my children to be responsible adults who love the Lord, and others. It sounds cliche, but they are not going to remember how clean the house is, but how they are treated and what we do together. Its been a process to learn this, and I'm still not where I want to be. AT ALL. And I cannot do it on my own. When I try I really just make a mess of things, and wear myself out. God showed me many years ago, before I was even married, that my strength comes from Christ alone. I am weak, and I am imperfect. But He who is within me is not. And through his power I can do anything he has called me to do (Philippians 4:13).
I am far from Supermom. Now instead of telling myself "I should be able to.." I tell myself "I want to be able to...". I do not do everything perfect, I don't even do everything! But I'm giving it my everything. I don't even feel like I do what I do well. But I try my best, and I try to remember that God has not called me to do it on my own anyway. I'm supposed to call on Him (Matthew 11:28-29)
It was a HUGE change last year when we went from two pretty self sufficient kids to four kids. I had a needy 2 year old, a baby, and the boys where needing extra attention because of the changes in our lives. I couldn't get things done like I was used to doing. And it was very difficult to get used to. I used to say to myself "I should be able to do..." and then be upset at myself when I couldn't get it perfectly accomplished. It was made even more difficult when I started home schooling the boys, now I had all 4 kids home all day and I had to be helping the boys with their work. I had to change the way things were done, and I had to let up on myself a little.
I cannot get everything done I want to in a day. I have too high of expectations. So I try to prioritize what needs to be done in a day. First the kids need to be fed. And let me tell you this feels like a full time job itself! Ha! Why do they want to eat so much? To help make things easier I have created short cuts. I buy chicken cutlets because they defrost and cook faster than breast. This saves a lot of time. I still buy breasts for when I want to have breast cooked for dinner, but for easy meals that just need shredded or cut up chicken, the cutlets are way easier. Also, where dishes are concerned I had to buy more. We would go through flatware and bowls really quick, so I bought more so I wouldn't have to wash them all the time. Also we have set meal times, and snack options are always the same. In the morning we have fruit, yogurt, or apple sauce for snack. Then the afternoon is a sweet snack and another health option. This eliminates the "what can I have I'm hungry.." problem. The boys are old enough to make their sandwiches by themselves for lunch. At first teaching them took more time but now, things run so smooth and its a big help to me.
My second daily priority is school. For me it helps to have a lesson plan done for each day ahead of time. I do mine monthly. It does take awhile, but to have written down each day what we're doing is a great help and Solomon can read his on his own and start his lessons on his own. But I'm also flexible with this, if our day is not going well I'll cut things short, or move them to another day. My top priority is and should be my children, and if they're having a hard day I want to be there for them. We still get everything done, I just realized that sometimes we have to shuffle things around. Sometimes we wake up in a bad mood, and fighting is not going to settle anything. There are also days where they are moving a long really fast, and we can catch up on things or get ahead in our work.
Sadly house cleaning is last on my list. This was hard for Josh and I to get used to. I had to let him help, and we both had to realize I couldn't do everything like I did before. Not that I was ever a super great housekeeper anyway. But realizing I couldn't do everything was great because I also realized that my kids should be helping. I want to teach them how to take care of themselves, and that includes cleaning up after themselves. And the boys at 8 & 6 are really able to do a lot. They take their laundry basket to the garage, and are starting to learn how to start the washer. They can carry the clean clothes in and sort them and put them away. I had to let go of things being done the way I did them too. Underwear do not get folded before put away and sometimes socks are not turned inside out. But it gets done and I'm not doing it all. Lindy helps do her laundry a little too. Solomon now empties the dishwasher, which is so great for me because I really really hate that. Both boys vacuum and sweep well enough. And they've known how to clean toilets for years now. I think they started at 4, but Lindy is starting now at 3. They help feed the animals, and all 3 bigger kids help set the table at dinner. The boys can wipe down the table for me, and they all put their dishes in the sink (yes even Sarah started at about 18 months). I'm always trying to think of more things around the house they can help with to take the load off me. I do not ask them to pick up after me, but I have them help contribute to things the family needs done. This has been so good for everyone. It has eased my list of things to do, and it has helped them realized that in our family we share the work. And we are teaching them to clean up after themselves, and take responsibility for themselves.
I really encourage you fellow moms to prioritize your days, realize who/what your priorities are and follow that. Get your kids to help in small ways, it's good for them! Let go of big expectations. And, a big one, DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS. We all do things different, and it's ok. My house will never be as clean and organized as my best friend's. I am not as patient as my other friend. I don't go with the flow as easy as another friend. I am not super christian mom that only teaches biblical curriculum to my kids. I am not the mom that cooks all organic "real food" gourmet meals. I am not all those moms whose blogs are linked on Pinterest who seem to do everything perfect (even their blogs look perfect with all kinds of gorgeous, magazine style pictures.) But thats ok. I am not you and you are not me, and thats ok. We each have something special to give our kids, us.
Remember most moms I know do not think they have it all together either. None of us do. And it's ok that we're not going to post all our struggles on Facebook. Ya, I put up pictures of fun things we've done, because who needs to hear that I just screamed at my kids to put their toys away? I'm not going to whine all the time about how inadequate I feel. I think most the time we're not trying to be fake, we just don't want people to see our struggles. Don't think you know all about someone form what you see on FB, even people who are not trying to be "fake". I don't think Facebook is really the place to share all the crappy stuff anyway. But lets do each other a favor and be real with each other. We all have good times and bad times, lets share them all in the right settings. They can all be used for uplifting another. Whether it's to know we're not alone in the hard stuff, or encourage someone that there are brighter days.
God has helped me realize that my ministry is my family. My purpose now is to raise my children to be responsible adults who love the Lord, and others. It sounds cliche, but they are not going to remember how clean the house is, but how they are treated and what we do together. Its been a process to learn this, and I'm still not where I want to be. AT ALL. And I cannot do it on my own. When I try I really just make a mess of things, and wear myself out. God showed me many years ago, before I was even married, that my strength comes from Christ alone. I am weak, and I am imperfect. But He who is within me is not. And through his power I can do anything he has called me to do (Philippians 4:13).
I am far from Supermom. Now instead of telling myself "I should be able to.." I tell myself "I want to be able to...". I do not do everything perfect, I don't even do everything! But I'm giving it my everything. I don't even feel like I do what I do well. But I try my best, and I try to remember that God has not called me to do it on my own anyway. I'm supposed to call on Him (Matthew 11:28-29)
Saturday, April 6, 2013
We're gellin'
Today was a pretty typical family day. We went to the park and played, I ran to the grocery store, and the kids wrestled with daddy in the living room. But for us a lot of what happened was a big deal. You see at the park the boys helped push their little sisters on the swings, and then our oldest daughter asked to go to the store with just me instead of going home with daddy. And all the kids wrestled with daddy and each other and had so much fun.
What makes all that so great is that we are finally really becoming a family. A family who helps each other, and likes to be together and plays with each other. It has taken some time for the boys to get used to having little sisters and want to play with them and help them. And they do now. And Sarah at almost 2 is finally getting to the point where she lets her older brothers play with her and help her. And Lindy now really wants to be with me, and enjoys doing things with me, I don't feel like I'm forcing her to. Before she would grudgingly go with me or do things with me, now she enjoys it so much. And both girls are getting used to playing the with boys, with wrestling with them and not getting their feelings hurt or getting upset when they get tackled. They both laugh and giggle and jump right on their brothers, and even more the boys are so sweet with them. They play gentler with them and tolerate their sisters jumping on them better. It is so sweet to see, and really something I wondered if it would happen. But we're gelling now, and I feel us become one more and more. It feels more and more natural everyday, and it makes my heart so joyful. It's a rough road we've been traveling but I feel it working out, the bumps and getting smaller and the twist and turns are smoother.
I am so thankful for what we've been through, so thankful for my family. And so hopeful for what we can become.
What makes all that so great is that we are finally really becoming a family. A family who helps each other, and likes to be together and plays with each other. It has taken some time for the boys to get used to having little sisters and want to play with them and help them. And they do now. And Sarah at almost 2 is finally getting to the point where she lets her older brothers play with her and help her. And Lindy now really wants to be with me, and enjoys doing things with me, I don't feel like I'm forcing her to. Before she would grudgingly go with me or do things with me, now she enjoys it so much. And both girls are getting used to playing the with boys, with wrestling with them and not getting their feelings hurt or getting upset when they get tackled. They both laugh and giggle and jump right on their brothers, and even more the boys are so sweet with them. They play gentler with them and tolerate their sisters jumping on them better. It is so sweet to see, and really something I wondered if it would happen. But we're gelling now, and I feel us become one more and more. It feels more and more natural everyday, and it makes my heart so joyful. It's a rough road we've been traveling but I feel it working out, the bumps and getting smaller and the twist and turns are smoother.
I am so thankful for what we've been through, so thankful for my family. And so hopeful for what we can become.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Dear mom on the iPhone, I get it.
Perhaps you've read the "Dear mom on the iPhone" letter that has circled around Facebook. If not let me summarize it for you. Basically this person writing the letter is writing it to some mom she saw at the park who is on her phone and not enjoying watching her kids play at the park. The writer talks about how she understands that relaxing a little while the kids plays feels nice, but that this other mom is missing moments with her children that she won't get back. That the mom is not making her children a priority and that they see this and that they will believe that they are not important. And while I get that we should make sure that we do not let our kids believe they are not important or a priority to us, that they know that we delight in them, I kinda feel like the overall feeling this letter implies is very judgmental.
You see I was that mom this morning, and while it wasn't my iPhone it was a book, I thought about that letter and how people may see me sitting in McDonalds while the girls played and judge me. That I wasn't watching them play, and taking joy in their sliding and playing with each other. That when they called to me I would only briefly look up and wave, or tell them to go play when they came up to me. But what they've wouldn't have known is that that is not the normal for me. That I put my children and my family before myself nearly every other hour of the day. That I purposely think about watching my children play at the park, or play with them, instead of looking on my phone, or bringing a book. That I want my children to know I take delight in watching them play and seeing them accomplish little things like sliding themselves, or going all the way across the monkey bars, or climbing the big "rock wall" at the park without help.
And what people wouldn't know is that this morning all I wanted to do was recharge, so I could be a better mom. That my week had been so emotionally tiring that I just didn't think I could make it through one more day alone. That I broke down in tears this morning right in front of my children because they hadn't listen and were running in the house again. That already the baby had screamed my name more time than I could handle hearing. That so many tears had been shed by my 3 year old for reasons I did not understand, and it drains me emotionally to build her backup every time. That I had yelled at my children more in the 2 hours of being awake then I want to do in one day (which is none, I do not want to continue to be a mom that yells). And I just didn't know what to do, and the tears and sobs came. That I was pretty certain that if I went back home and saw all I need to do, that I would lose it and be the mom I am trying so very hard not to be. So I prayed, and I got a plan.
Coffee. And a play place for the girls after dropping the boys off at school. And a book. The Lord whispered in my heart that all I need was an hour, an hour that I knew the girls could play safely and happily together, and I could sit and read, and kinda zone out. I knew that I wouldn't yell at them in public, I could read with out seeing the things around the house that needed to be done and get overwhelmed. And so we did. I got myself a coffee, the girls juice and asked them to go play. I gave hugs and kisses and told them to play together, and asked the 3 year old to not yell to me for a little while. And it was great. After about an hour I looked up and saw my girls playing joyfully together and smiling and I knew I had made the right decision. That they were happy and I was getting a break. I sat and watched and found joy in them again. And I thought about that letter I had read and I almost cried again. Because people will judge us by what they see, and we can't help that. But I want to be the kind of person that gives grace.
I am thankful for all the times the Lord has humbled me and let me see things from another perspective. As I sat there I just wished that everyone could just cut as moms some slack. Sure there are moms out there who do not put their children first. But a lot of us are really trying. We get that our kids will only be young for so long. I have an 8 year old growing up way faster than I can handle sometimes. Sometimes though, is just so hard here in the trenches of parenting. And what I really what to say is this: If you see a mom sitting and taking a minute for herself while her kids are happy, playing, and safe, cut her some slack. You don't know how she deals with every other day in her life. You don't know if being on her phone instead of playing with her kids is a habit, or a necessity for the hour. You don't know she has done the hours in the day leading up to that moment, and you won't know the hours following. And you just might make her day if you quickly comment on how well behaved, or adorable her children are. It may not be that she doesn't notice, but it's always nice to know someone sees in your kids what you see, and maybe in that moment that is the thing she needs to hear.
I know for me my hour of coffee and Nicholas Sparks has restarted my day. I have a renewed sense of calm and joy. I have more energy (the caffeine may have helped with that) and I know I will be able to treat my children with the love and respect they deserve once again. I am delighting in hearing my girls play in the other room, and am loving hearing my baby calling to me and coming to me for her little love pats. I can find joy in that once again. I am excited to pick up my boys from school and hug them, and tell them I love them. To extend grace to them and start our day again. And I get it mom on the iPhone, sometimes you just need to relax and unplug a little so that you can be the mom, the women, you want to be.
You see I was that mom this morning, and while it wasn't my iPhone it was a book, I thought about that letter and how people may see me sitting in McDonalds while the girls played and judge me. That I wasn't watching them play, and taking joy in their sliding and playing with each other. That when they called to me I would only briefly look up and wave, or tell them to go play when they came up to me. But what they've wouldn't have known is that that is not the normal for me. That I put my children and my family before myself nearly every other hour of the day. That I purposely think about watching my children play at the park, or play with them, instead of looking on my phone, or bringing a book. That I want my children to know I take delight in watching them play and seeing them accomplish little things like sliding themselves, or going all the way across the monkey bars, or climbing the big "rock wall" at the park without help.
And what people wouldn't know is that this morning all I wanted to do was recharge, so I could be a better mom. That my week had been so emotionally tiring that I just didn't think I could make it through one more day alone. That I broke down in tears this morning right in front of my children because they hadn't listen and were running in the house again. That already the baby had screamed my name more time than I could handle hearing. That so many tears had been shed by my 3 year old for reasons I did not understand, and it drains me emotionally to build her backup every time. That I had yelled at my children more in the 2 hours of being awake then I want to do in one day (which is none, I do not want to continue to be a mom that yells). And I just didn't know what to do, and the tears and sobs came. That I was pretty certain that if I went back home and saw all I need to do, that I would lose it and be the mom I am trying so very hard not to be. So I prayed, and I got a plan.
Coffee. And a play place for the girls after dropping the boys off at school. And a book. The Lord whispered in my heart that all I need was an hour, an hour that I knew the girls could play safely and happily together, and I could sit and read, and kinda zone out. I knew that I wouldn't yell at them in public, I could read with out seeing the things around the house that needed to be done and get overwhelmed. And so we did. I got myself a coffee, the girls juice and asked them to go play. I gave hugs and kisses and told them to play together, and asked the 3 year old to not yell to me for a little while. And it was great. After about an hour I looked up and saw my girls playing joyfully together and smiling and I knew I had made the right decision. That they were happy and I was getting a break. I sat and watched and found joy in them again. And I thought about that letter I had read and I almost cried again. Because people will judge us by what they see, and we can't help that. But I want to be the kind of person that gives grace.
I am thankful for all the times the Lord has humbled me and let me see things from another perspective. As I sat there I just wished that everyone could just cut as moms some slack. Sure there are moms out there who do not put their children first. But a lot of us are really trying. We get that our kids will only be young for so long. I have an 8 year old growing up way faster than I can handle sometimes. Sometimes though, is just so hard here in the trenches of parenting. And what I really what to say is this: If you see a mom sitting and taking a minute for herself while her kids are happy, playing, and safe, cut her some slack. You don't know how she deals with every other day in her life. You don't know if being on her phone instead of playing with her kids is a habit, or a necessity for the hour. You don't know she has done the hours in the day leading up to that moment, and you won't know the hours following. And you just might make her day if you quickly comment on how well behaved, or adorable her children are. It may not be that she doesn't notice, but it's always nice to know someone sees in your kids what you see, and maybe in that moment that is the thing she needs to hear.
I know for me my hour of coffee and Nicholas Sparks has restarted my day. I have a renewed sense of calm and joy. I have more energy (the caffeine may have helped with that) and I know I will be able to treat my children with the love and respect they deserve once again. I am delighting in hearing my girls play in the other room, and am loving hearing my baby calling to me and coming to me for her little love pats. I can find joy in that once again. I am excited to pick up my boys from school and hug them, and tell them I love them. To extend grace to them and start our day again. And I get it mom on the iPhone, sometimes you just need to relax and unplug a little so that you can be the mom, the women, you want to be.
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