Perhaps you've read the "Dear mom on the iPhone" letter that has circled around Facebook. If not let me summarize it for you. Basically this person writing the letter is writing it to some mom she saw at the park who is on her phone and not enjoying watching her kids play at the park. The writer talks about how she understands that relaxing a little while the kids plays feels nice, but that this other mom is missing moments with her children that she won't get back. That the mom is not making her children a priority and that they see this and that they will believe that they are not important. And while I get that we should make sure that we do not let our kids believe they are not important or a priority to us, that they know that we delight in them, I kinda feel like the overall feeling this letter implies is very judgmental.
You see I was that mom this morning, and while it wasn't my iPhone it was a book, I thought about that letter and how people may see me sitting in McDonalds while the girls played and judge me. That I wasn't watching them play, and taking joy in their sliding and playing with each other. That when they called to me I would only briefly look up and wave, or tell them to go play when they came up to me. But what they've wouldn't have known is that that is not the normal for me. That I put my children and my family before myself nearly every other hour of the day. That I purposely think about watching my children play at the park, or play with them, instead of looking on my phone, or bringing a book. That I want my children to know I take delight in watching them play and seeing them accomplish little things like sliding themselves, or going all the way across the monkey bars, or climbing the big "rock wall" at the park without help.
And what people wouldn't know is that this morning all I wanted to do was recharge, so I could be a better mom. That my week had been so emotionally tiring that I just didn't think I could make it through one more day alone. That I broke down in tears this morning right in front of my children because they hadn't listen and were running in the house again. That already the baby had screamed my name more time than I could handle hearing. That so many tears had been shed by my 3 year old for reasons I did not understand, and it drains me emotionally to build her backup every time. That I had yelled at my children more in the 2 hours of being awake then I want to do in one day (which is none, I do not want to continue to be a mom that yells). And I just didn't know what to do, and the tears and sobs came. That I was pretty certain that if I went back home and saw all I need to do, that I would lose it and be the mom I am trying so very hard not to be. So I prayed, and I got a plan.
Coffee. And a play place for the girls after dropping the boys off at school. And a book. The Lord whispered in my heart that all I need was an hour, an hour that I knew the girls could play safely and happily together, and I could sit and read, and kinda zone out. I knew that I wouldn't yell at them in public, I could read with out seeing the things around the house that needed to be done and get overwhelmed. And so we did. I got myself a coffee, the girls juice and asked them to go play. I gave hugs and kisses and told them to play together, and asked the 3 year old to not yell to me for a little while. And it was great. After about an hour I looked up and saw my girls playing joyfully together and smiling and I knew I had made the right decision. That they were happy and I was getting a break. I sat and watched and found joy in them again. And I thought about that letter I had read and I almost cried again. Because people will judge us by what they see, and we can't help that. But I want to be the kind of person that gives grace.
I am thankful for all the times the Lord has humbled me and let me see things from another perspective. As I sat there I just wished that everyone could just cut as moms some slack. Sure there are moms out there who do not put their children first. But a lot of us are really trying. We get that our kids will only be young for so long. I have an 8 year old growing up way faster than I can handle sometimes. Sometimes though, is just so hard here in the trenches of parenting. And what I really what to say is this: If you see a mom sitting and taking a minute for herself while her kids are happy, playing, and safe, cut her some slack. You don't know how she deals with every other day in her life. You don't know if being on her phone instead of playing with her kids is a habit, or a necessity for the hour. You don't know she has done the hours in the day leading up to that moment, and you won't know the hours following. And you just might make her day if you quickly comment on how well behaved, or adorable her children are. It may not be that she doesn't notice, but it's always nice to know someone sees in your kids what you see, and maybe in that moment that is the thing she needs to hear.
I know for me my hour of coffee and Nicholas Sparks has restarted my day. I have a renewed sense of calm and joy. I have more energy (the caffeine may have helped with that) and I know I will be able to treat my children with the love and respect they deserve once again. I am delighting in hearing my girls play in the other room, and am loving hearing my baby calling to me and coming to me for her little love pats. I can find joy in that once again. I am excited to pick up my boys from school and hug them, and tell them I love them. To extend grace to them and start our day again. And I get it mom on the iPhone, sometimes you just need to relax and unplug a little so that you can be the mom, the women, you want to be.
